


dramatic sbahj rewrites

by Tirgo



Category: Homestuck, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
Genre: Gen, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1226806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tirgo/pseuds/Tirgo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the truth behind some famous sbahj comics comes to light in this retrospective</p>
            </blockquote>





	dramatic sbahj rewrites

Here's how I see it.

Hella Jeff was always mad because Sweet Bro never let him borrow his car, ever. Not even when he had a date with a really nice girl he met online. He explained that this could be the one to Sweet Bro. But no, that guy just WOULD NOT BUDGE. "no you can't have the car dude", all that shit. So Hella Jeff finally got fed up with it and distracted him with his socks, which were a berserk button of Sweet Bro's. Hella Jeff gleefully ran away and jumped in the car while Sweet Bro was distracted.

Finally, he had the car. He was ready to go on his date with the girl of his dreams. He backed out, but then... He suddenly realized that he didn't know how to drive. He plowed right into the nearby lake, and the car began sinking. He desperately tried to open the door, but it was blocked by all the water. He banged on the window, trying to get Sweet Bro's attention, but he was in the house, and could not hear. He watched himself sink deeper and deeper, running out of breath. Suddenly, he remembered that he had his cell phone! Frantically, he misdialed Sweet Bro's number twice, but finally got through. Sweet Bro answered the phone and started raving at him about socks. He couldn't get a single word in. Sweet Bro was so mad that he hang up, and while Hella Jeff was redialing, the windows started cracking, and water began seeping in. Seconds later, a torrent of water gushed in through the windows, and Hella Jeff's tears could not be seen, because his entire body was surrounded by water.

\--

Sweet Bro loved video games. Perhaps too much. On this day, he decided to bring along a large amount of his video games downstairs to play them. The stack of games was huge, but he seemed to have it under control, carefully cradling the cases in a way that they would not tip or fall. He was really playing video games to help him forget about his deeply mentally confusing romantic relationship with his mother. He decided that escaping into a game was superior to doing marijuana and drinking heavily, like he had usually done. Today, he was going to come clean, and become a new man. He walked slowly and carefully. Here ahead of him were the stairs. They were notoriously tricky, and he had tripped on them several times before. This time, at least, he hoped that he would not trip, as he would lose grasp of all his video games. 

As he began to put his foot on the first step down, he glanced looked to his left and locked eyes with his roommate, Hella Jeff. Hella Jeff was leering at him. He looked very smug and amused. He said, "Watch out for the stairs." Life seemed to go in slow motion. His eyes moved to the stairs without time passing. The stairs were all coated with oil. He couldn't stop his foot, it was still going, just a split second from hitting the steps. His eyes widened. His foot hit the step, and he slipped forward, floating in mid-air, life was flashing around him, as slow as possible, but at the same time, quicker than ever before. The games flew out of his hands, tumbling down the steps, and he saw the steps come closer and closer to his face.

He smashed into the next step, crashing off again, restarting the fall. He got brief glimpses of Hella Jeff, who was now laughing wildly. "I warned you about stairs Bro!" he cackled, his eyes lit up with malicious intent. "I told you dog!" He clashed into the steps again, and it just seemed to be going on forever. He got brief views of the floor downstairs, but it never seemed to get any closer. He was falling, hitting the steps, falling again, in a deep, distressing trance. He felt his bones crack as he continually hit the steps, and he gave out screeches of pain and misery as he began getting cut absolutely everywhere. The hell was eternal. Worse than the steps, however, was the demented, cruel face of the man he once considered his best friend.


End file.
